http://margaretsmithproductions.com/ftbblog.cfm Fri, 10 Apr 2009 02:37:32 GMT http://starzoogle.com http://margaretsmithproductions.com/ftbblog.cfm?feature=34581&postid=39092 Blog 4-9-09 I have two kids. There’s the little one and there’s the big liar. The big liar worries me and I’m mad at him for that. The only way I seem to be able to not scream at him like I want to do is to get creative. And by “get creative” I mean get even.  I find little ways to get even.  The littler the better. My most recent creativity is to walk by the bathroom door when he’s in there on the toilet and jiggle the knob like I’m gonna walk in. The door doesn’t lock so it’s a real threat. “Hey, hey, hey, I’m in here.” I smile and try not to laugh. I do it again a minute later on my way back into the kitchen. “Jesus! Someone’s in here.” Now it’s not him, it’s someone. Gee, could that someone be you, the liar? Is the liar having a moment of truth? Did someone almost see you on the toilet? I’ll admit, after that one I did have a moment of feeling sorry for him or maybe it was the onions I was cutting. All I know is that I got a warm feeling inside and the anger was gone. Getting even takes the edge off. It’s not something I’m proud of. My higher self tells me I’m being a baby and I’m supposed to be teaching my kids and what does that teach him?  And to my higher self I say, “C’mon. Didn’t you feel joy when you heard the “Jesus I’m in here” line?  Don’t you feel like a weight has been lifted? Look, I’m not mad at him anymore.”  What is wrong with getting even when it’s so beneficial to me? It’s good for my health because it’s a great stress reliever, and no one gets hurt? It’s like money in the bank because the next time he lies, cheats, deceives or sneaks I react more calmly knowing he’ll have to use the bathroom sooner or later. I highly recommend getting even. I mean creative.  
I have two kids. There’s the little one and there’s the big liar.

The big liar worries me and I’m mad at him for that. The only way I seem to be able to not scream at him like I want to do is to get creative. And by “get creative” I mean get even.  I find little ways to get even.  The littler the better.

My most recent creativity is to walk by the bathroom door when he’s in there on the toilet and jiggle the knob like I’m gonna walk in. The door doesn’t lock so it’s a real threat. “Hey, hey, hey, I’m in here.” I smile and try not to laugh. I do it again a minute later on my way back into the kitchen. “Jesus! Someone’s in here.” Now it’s not him, it’s someone. Gee, could that someone be you, the liar? Is the liar having a moment of truth? Did someone almost see you on the toilet?

I’ll admit, after that one I did have a moment of feeling sorry for him or maybe it was the onions I was cutting. All I know is that I got a warm feeling inside and the anger was gone. Getting even takes the edge off.

It’s not something I’m proud of. My higher self tells me I’m being a baby and I’m supposed to be teaching my kids and what does that teach him?  And to my higher self I say, “C’mon. Didn’t you feel joy when you heard the “Jesus I’m in here” line?  Don’t you feel like a weight has been lifted? Look, I’m not mad at him anymore.” 

What is wrong with getting even when it’s so beneficial to me? It’s good for my health because it’s a great stress reliever, and no one gets hurt? It’s like money in the bank because the next time he lies, cheats, deceives or sneaks I react more calmly knowing he’ll have to use the bathroom sooner or later. I highly recommend getting even. I mean creative.
 ]]> Fri, 10 Apr 2009 02:37:32 GMT C0CDFFE61932CD2CB086093AC4929D7A http://margaretsmithproductions.com/ftbblog.cfm?feature=34581&postid=38169 Hi Everyone, So, my five-year-old (he says he’s five-and-a-half) calls me into the bathroom, as he does every day, to wipe him. He is a clean freak. So, this time I ask him, “Who wipes you at school?” He tells me he does it himself at school.  I said, “then why don’t you do it yourself at home?” He said, “Because you do it better.” My other one, a teenager this year, is sickened by it all. He says, “Make him wipe himself.”  I nip the family drama in the bud by telling the older more perfect one, the teen, to mind his own business.  He keeps it up so I remind him he’s not that good at it either. I’m the omniscient one; I do the laundry.  So I have a five-year-old who admits he’s a lousy wiper and a teen who’s a lousy wiper in denial. It occurs to me I might be doing something wrong because my kids can’t wipe. I have an emergency on my hands. I call my mother to ask her opinion. She’s raised six kids (four girls, two boys) all of whom I assume can wipe like the pro’s. I asked my mom, “When do boys learn to wipe?” She said, “When they’re about twenty-six.”  I said, “I might have to get my own place, then. I can’t wait that long.” And I certainly can’t wipe that long.  Then I remember a mom I used to know who’s nine-year-old still had accidents. She’d sit down with tears in her eyes. “David shit in his pants again. I just can’t take it anymore.  I had to ride in the car with him and the shit in his pants all the way home.”  To that mom I say thank you. Thank you, thank you, and thank you for having it worse than me. Personally, I couldn’t do it.  From one mother to another, there’s always some poor mother who has it worse than you do. Be grateful. This has been Margaret Smith from the bottom.    
So, my five-year-old (he says he’s five-and-a-half) calls me into the bathroom, as he does every day, to wipe him. He is a clean freak. So, this time I ask him, “Who wipes you at school?” He tells me he does it himself at school.  I said, “then why don’t you do it yourself at home?” He said, “Because you do it better.”

My other one, a teenager this year, is sickened by it all. He says, “Make him wipe himself.”  I nip the family drama in the bud by telling the older more perfect one, the teen, to mind his own business.  He keeps it up so I remind him he’s not that good at it either. I’m the omniscient one; I do the laundry. 

So I have a five-year-old who admits he’s a lousy wiper and a teen who’s a lousy wiper in denial. It occurs to me I might be doing something wrong because my kids can’t wipe. I have an emergency on my hands. I call my mother to ask her opinion. She’s raised six kids (four girls, two boys) all of whom I assume can wipe like the pro’s.

I asked my mom, “When do boys learn to wipe?” She said, “When they’re about twenty-six.”  I said, “I might have to get my own place, then. I can’t wait that long.” And I certainly can’t wipe that long. 

Then I remember a mom I used to know who’s nine-year-old still had accidents. She’d sit down with tears in her eyes. “David shit in his pants again. I just can’t take it anymore.  I had to ride in the car with him and the shit in his pants all the way home.” 

To that mom I say thank you. Thank you, thank you, and thank you for having it worse than me. Personally, I couldn’t do it.  From one mother to another, there’s always some poor mother who has it worse than you do. Be grateful.

This has been Margaret Smith from the bottom.

   

]]> Tue, 31 Mar 2009 02:30:00 GMT 64A85AEB7307F0B6EC07CA16D1EDF0A8 http://margaretsmithproductions.com/ftbblog.cfm?feature=34581&postid=36219 Blog 3-11-09 Teachers Miss Dobson bowed forward when she stood. I don’t know if it was her skinny legs that bowed or if she had a natural pelvic thrust. I suspect her bone density numbers were low. She held one arm up with the other, which crossed over her chest. I’m not sure if she had breasts because the arm was always there. The hand that she rested on her arm held her glasses, which were secured with a chain around her neck. She chewed on the end of the glasses. The ends were gnarly from her chewing. She was my first grade teacher. I was six and she, I believe, was one hundred and six. My eighth grade teacher Mrs. Carey had a permanent look of distain. The only time I saw what I thought was a smile on her puss was the day we graduated. The smile was eerie, as if to say, I let you live and now you’re free to go.  Those two teachers book-ended my elementary school years. In between I had teachers that were happy to be there. My Favorite was my fourth grade teacher Mrs. Heineman. She was kind and creative. She had a reading club. I still love her for that. On the backs of the reading club chairs were Annie Oakley, Wyatt Erpp, Daniel Boone, Roy Rogers, Dale Evans. When I sat in the Dale Evan’s chair it was so special I could barely concentrate on the book I was reading. I hope she made more money than the rest of them, or at the very least, more than Miss Dobson and Mrs. Carey. I was listening to NPR and how our president, Mr. Obama, wants to give teachers their raises based on their merit and performance. I like that idea. Based on my experience, most teachers should get more money. It is a labor of love to go into teaching. If you stop loving it, you’re not going to be a good teacher anymore. Kids can’t perform when they’re in the presence of grown-ups that don’t like them.  Based on my experience, if a teacher is happy to see the kids, the kids are going to work hard to please her. How do we know who’s working well with our kids and who isn’t? Evaluations by superiors, class averages, teacher cams? I’m not sure.  But base pay should go up. I wouldn’t mind splitting the bill with all the people in the form of higher taxes. It’s better than the tens of thousands of extra dollars I spend on private school for my kids. Did I mention Miss Dobson used to shake kids (mostly boys) by their ears? One day she shook David Meinke by an ear and his head hit the metal file cabinet. There was blood all over the place. I hid under the stairs at home after lunch when it was time to go back to school. Miss Dobson was still there the next day and continued her teaching career. Where will the money come from? Let’s start with a freeze on congressional wages, CEO wages and keep talking. This has been Margaret Smith from the bottom. 
Teachers

Miss Dobson bowed forward when she stood. I don’t know if it was her skinny legs that bowed or if she had a natural pelvic thrust. I suspect her bone density numbers were low. She held one arm up with the other, which crossed over her chest. I’m not sure if she had breasts because the arm was always there. The hand that she rested on her arm held her glasses, which were secured with a chain around her neck. She chewed on the end of the glasses. The ends were gnarly from her chewing. She was my first grade teacher. I was six and she, I believe, was one hundred and six.

My eighth grade teacher Mrs. Carey had a permanent look of distain. The only time I saw what I thought was a smile on her puss was the day we graduated. The smile was eerie, as if to say, I let you live and now you’re free to go. 

Those two teachers book-ended my elementary school years. In between I had teachers that were happy to be there. My Favorite was my fourth grade teacher Mrs. Heineman. She was kind and creative. She had a reading club. I still love her for that. On the backs of the reading club chairs were Annie Oakley, Wyatt Erpp, Daniel Boone, Roy Rogers, Dale Evans. When I sat in the Dale Evan’s chair it was so special I could barely concentrate on the book I was reading. I hope she made more money than the rest of them, or at the very least, more than Miss Dobson and Mrs. Carey.

I was listening to NPR and how our president, Mr. Obama, wants to give teachers their raises based on their merit and performance. I like that idea. Based on my experience, most teachers should get more money. It is a labor of love to go into teaching. If you stop loving it, you’re not going to be a good teacher anymore. Kids can’t perform when they’re in the presence of grown-ups that don’t like them.  Based on my experience, if a teacher is happy to see the kids, the kids are going to work hard to please her.

How do we know who’s working well with our kids and who isn’t? Evaluations by superiors, class averages, teacher cams? I’m not sure.  But base pay should go up. I wouldn’t mind splitting the bill with all the people in the form of higher taxes. It’s better than the tens of thousands of extra dollars I spend on private school for my kids.

Did I mention Miss Dobson used to shake kids (mostly boys) by their ears? One day she shook David Meinke by an ear and his head hit the metal file cabinet. There was blood all over the place. I hid under the stairs at home after lunch when it was time to go back to school. Miss Dobson was still there the next day and continued her teaching career.

Where will the money come from? Let’s start with a freeze on congressional wages, CEO wages and keep talking.

This has been Margaret Smith from the bottom. 

]]> Thu, 12 Mar 2009 04:48:28 GMT 911F01C29870C99CA9150E4967278472 http://margaretsmithproductions.com/ftbblog.cfm?feature=34581&postid=36023 Blog3-8-09 Octomom Right now my partner and I have two kids, two of them and two of us. We’re bigger and smarter. We win. For now, that is, we win. We have a plan as they get bigger and smarter and can outrun us. On paper it looks a lot like a football play. Keep them going in different directions and we run up the middle… each with a ball. That’s right, we cheat. When it comes to kids, you do whatever it takes to stay one step ahead of them. Not easy with the Internet telling them how to build a bomb and informing them how to frame us in a court of law.  I was one of six kids. We outnumbered my parents three to one. Let’s just say we all lived in fear. Us of them and in hindsight, I bet, them of us. At any given time my Dad could only be one of four places, home, work, helping a friend or the tavern. On Sunday add church and subtract work. My mother was never far either. She had three places, home, grocery store or at her sister’s beauty shop getting her hair done.  She was “Octomom” because she seemed to have six extra hands although she constantly reminded us, “I only have two hands.” Now there’s a new Octomom on the block. And by the way Octomom was coined by a reporter for one of the tabloid papers. Brilliant, and this time they’re not making it up. Octomom is real. Octomom, already a mother of six, gets eight embryo’s implanted and gives birth to a litter or eight. When a human being has a litter it is always man made. Much like Lake Meade, the Hoover Dam and the Washington Monument. People will do anything to get into the Guinness World Book of Records but that is not Octomom’s goal. What then is it? What sane woman with six kids tries to have eight more? That’s an entire soccer team plus a bench warmer. I’m a little jealous. I haven’t been able to get a pitch meeting with Mark Burnett. You know he’s going to call her personally? She could do a season of Survivor with just her and the kids. People are outraged. I’m not outraged, I’m curious. Remember the Hugh Grant debacle? The first thing Leno asked Hugh Grant was, “What were you thinking?” What would Leno ask Octomom? Even the Catholics are going “damn”.  If you think about it, she did use birth control. And, well, they did vote “Yes On 8”. Careful what you pray for. This has been Margaret Smith from the bottom.
Octomom

Right now my partner and I have two kids, two of them and two of us. We’re bigger and smarter. We win. For now, that is, we win. We have a plan as they get bigger and smarter and can outrun us. On paper it looks a lot like a football play. Keep them going in different directions and we run up the middle… each with a ball. That’s right, we cheat. When it comes to kids, you do whatever it takes to stay one step ahead of them. Not easy with the Internet telling them how to build a bomb and informing them how to frame us in a court of law. 

I was one of six kids. We outnumbered my parents three to one. Let’s just say we all lived in fear. Us of them and in hindsight, I bet, them of us. At any given time my Dad could only be one of four places, home, work, helping a friend or the tavern. On Sunday add church and subtract work. My mother was never far either. She had three places, home, grocery store or at her sister’s beauty shop getting her hair done.  She was “Octomom” because she seemed to have six extra hands although she constantly reminded us, “I only have two hands.”

Now there’s a new Octomom on the block. And by the way Octomom was coined by a reporter for one of the tabloid papers. Brilliant, and this time they’re not making it up. Octomom is real. Octomom, already a mother of six, gets eight embryo’s implanted and gives birth to a litter or eight. When a human being has a litter it is always man made. Much like Lake Meade, the Hoover Dam and the Washington Monument. People will do anything to get into the Guinness World Book of Records but that is not Octomom’s goal. What then is it? What sane woman with six kids tries to have eight more? That’s an entire soccer team plus a bench warmer.

I’m a little jealous. I haven’t been able to get a pitch meeting with Mark Burnett. You know he’s going to call her personally? She could do a season of Survivor with just her and the kids. People are outraged. I’m not outraged, I’m curious. Remember the Hugh Grant debacle? The first thing Leno asked Hugh Grant was, “What were you thinking?” What would Leno ask Octomom? Even the Catholics are going “damn”.  If you think about it, she did use birth control. And, well, they did vote “Yes On 8”. Careful what you pray for.

This has been Margaret Smith from the bottom.

]]> Mon, 09 Mar 2009 17:29:22 GMT 07C6DF0327DE24375F806194AB1E76CE http://margaretsmithproductions.com/ftbblog.cfm?feature=34581&postid=35659 Blog 3-2-09 Hi Everyone, I was a houseguest this weekend and I loved it. Why have I always been reluctant to accept invitations? It’s like staying at a hotel for free. They made a room up for me with my own television and reading material. They let me sleep as long as I wanted. It was the end of the month and they paid the whole rent. All I had to do was listen to a few stories about their childhood, hear about their medical conditions with a concerned face, and look at every picture on every wall and hear every story about the people in them. It’s a good thing I like stories. My first day as a houseguest, I was afraid to ask where “the old country” was. I know the old country is Europe but where is her old country at in the old country? I couldn’t place the accent. She said she was from Lithuania, which I had always pronounced “Luthuania” because I got it mixed up with the Lutheran religion, but said she grew up in England. Honestly, she sounded Irish. On the second day I took my kids snow boarding. I really wanted to snowboard because it looked like fun. It wasn’t that cold, sweater weather. I didn’t go because I had a cold and could barely walk a block without getting tired. It was one of those times that I thought it was important for the kids to have fun than for me to be sick. I tried to downplay the fact that my ears were plugged up and my balance was fuzzy. We’re back home now and as always we talk about what our favorite part of the “field trip” was. My little one calls it a field trip. His favorite part was playing video. My oldest one’s was snowboarding and mine was watching them snowboard. Oh yeah, and the stories. This has been Margaret Smith from the bottom.
Hi Everyone,

I was a houseguest this weekend and I loved it. Why have I always been reluctant to accept invitations? It’s like staying at a hotel for free. They made a room up for me with my own television and reading material. They let me sleep as long as I wanted. It was the end of the month and they paid the whole rent.

All I had to do was listen to a few stories about their childhood, hear about their medical conditions with a concerned face, and look at every picture on every wall and hear every story about the people in them. It’s a good thing I like stories.

My first day as a houseguest, I was afraid to ask where “the old country” was. I know the old country is Europe but where is her old country at in the old country? I couldn’t place the accent. She said she was from Lithuania, which I had always pronounced “Luthuania” because I got it mixed up with the Lutheran religion, but said she grew up in England. Honestly, she sounded Irish.

On the second day I took my kids snow boarding. I really wanted to snowboard because it looked like fun. It wasn’t that cold, sweater weather. I didn’t go because I had a cold and could barely walk a block without getting tired. It was one of those times that I thought it was important for the kids to have fun than for me to be sick. I tried to downplay the fact that my ears were plugged up and my balance was fuzzy.

We’re back home now and as always we talk about what our favorite part of the “field trip” was. My little one calls it a field trip. His favorite part was playing video. My oldest one’s was snowboarding and mine was watching them snowboard. Oh yeah, and the stories.

This has been Margaret Smith from the bottom.

]]> Tue, 03 Mar 2009 02:39:54 GMT BE1B49BCA47AF0C913FB892EF8578200 http://margaretsmithproductions.com/ftbblog.cfm?feature=34581&postid=35202 Blog 2-22-09 Hi Everyone, I am going to watch the Oscars tonight, how about you? I’m getting ready for them. I’m not getting ready like they’re getting ready at the Kodak Theater. I’m doing laundry. I hate to be so unglamorous as to admit it but that’s what I need to do before the Oscar party I’m attending tonight. I’ll be at a friend of a friend’s house named Tony. And no I’m not in New York. In the past I usually had the Oscar party. Not so much since I had kids. After kids, when all my single friends vanished like Girl Scout cookies at an AA meeting, I watched them with the family. And guess what? I liked it a lot. Gone was the pressure to make my famous hot wings. Gone was the running out to Circuit City the day before to buy a bigger TV. Gone was my friend Cindy (now Luc) who talked incessantly through the best parts. I never heard Sally Fields say “You like me. You really like me.” I’m paraphrasing because I didn’t actually hear her. Tonight I’m putting on some lipstick and taking my well-behaved kids to an Oscar party at Tony’s. My kids will go into another room that Tony’s setting up for “the kids” who’ll be attending. Don’t you love Tony? I will once again be with a group of people to watch the Oscars. I’m really looking forward to Hugh Jackman. He’s so cute I don’t care if he falls off the stage in one of his dance numbers, I’m gonna say nice things about him. I have changed since the good old days of being single at the Oscars. It will be a new experience for me. I have more patience for young people and less patience for adults. I’m told Luc (formerly Cindy) will be there. Surely he will not be as chatty as Cindy was. I will not weather it well if he so much as utters a word during a Hugh Jackman moment or any of the acceptance speeches. He can talk all he wants if Sally Fields is on during a commercial talking about Boniva. Then he can let it rip. But don’t mess with my Jackman or my speeches. I’m bringing a tazer just in case. This has been Margaret Smith reporting from the bottom.  
Hi Everyone,

I am going to watch the Oscars tonight, how about you? I’m getting ready for them. I’m not getting ready like they’re getting ready at the Kodak Theater. I’m doing laundry. I hate to be so unglamorous as to admit it but that’s what I need to do before the Oscar party I’m attending tonight. I’ll be at a friend of a friend’s house named Tony. And no I’m not in New York.

In the past I usually had the Oscar party. Not so much since I had kids. After kids, when all my single friends vanished like Girl Scout cookies at an AA meeting, I watched them with the family. And guess what? I liked it a lot. Gone was the pressure to make my famous hot wings. Gone was the running out to Circuit City the day before to buy a bigger TV. Gone was my friend Cindy (now Luc) who talked incessantly through the best parts. I never heard Sally Fields say “You like me. You really like me.” I’m paraphrasing because I didn’t actually hear her.

Tonight I’m putting on some lipstick and taking my well-behaved kids to an Oscar party at Tony’s. My kids will go into another room that Tony’s setting up for “the kids” who’ll be attending. Don’t you love Tony? I will once again be with a group of people to watch the Oscars. I’m really looking forward to Hugh Jackman. He’s so cute I don’t care if he falls off the stage in one of his dance numbers, I’m gonna say nice things about him.

I have changed since the good old days of being single at the Oscars. It will be a new experience for me. I have more patience for young people and less patience for adults. I’m told Luc (formerly Cindy) will be there. Surely he will not be as chatty as Cindy was. I will not weather it well if he so much as utters a word during a Hugh Jackman moment or any of the acceptance speeches. He can talk all he wants if Sally Fields is on during a commercial talking about Boniva. Then he can let it rip. But don’t mess with my Jackman or my speeches. I’m bringing a tazer just in case.

This has been Margaret Smith reporting from the bottom.
 ]]> Mon, 23 Feb 2009 01:45:21 GMT 27E4CB58031BE3E1BA4CAE3AC5AB9D10 http://margaretsmithproductions.com/ftbblog.cfm?feature=34581&postid=35189 Blog2-21-09 Hi Everyone, Here’s what I’ve learned about jobs this week. There are a lot of jobs out there and they all pay ten dollars an hour. And the lower the pay, the more you have to reduce yourself to get the job. For the first time in my life I had to get a drug test to be considered for a position. This job is definitely not about the money I’ll make. The only reason I’m interested in it is because I think it will be fun. The drug test was not fun. They frisked me before I went into the bathroom to pee in a cup. Then they drew a line around the cup about a third of the way from the bottom and said, “Don’t fill it any more than this.” I wanted to go, “Or what? You’ll stick me with a shiv?” But I didn’t. I went in the bathroom and peed in the cup. I don’t know if it was a throwback to my bartending days or what but I filled that container right to the line with one try. I felt like putting a little umbrella in it and handing it to the phlebotomist.  I didn’t because, I don’t know if you know this but phlebotomists don’t have much of a sense of humor. The best part of my day was taking my son to the doctor to get four vaccination shots. Wow, maybe I’m having a bad day. We laughed so hard in that doctor’s office.  My son was wincing in pain one moment and looking at me and laughing the next. I had written on a board in big letters the word OUCH and every time he’d get another shot I’d tally it up under the OUCH. The size of the tally was relevant to how much the shot hurt. The tetanus shot was the worse.  I know because I got one recently for another job. That brings me back to where I started. Here’s a thought. Maybe I should stop looking for a job and let a job find me. This has been Margaret Smith from a third of the way from the bottom.   
Hi Everyone,

Here’s what I’ve learned about jobs this week. There are a lot of jobs out there and they all pay ten dollars an hour. And the lower the pay, the more you have to reduce yourself to get the job. For the first time in my life I had to get a drug test to be considered for a position. This job is definitely not about the money I’ll make. The only reason I’m interested in it is because I think it will be fun.

The drug test was not fun. They frisked me before I went into the bathroom to pee in a cup. Then they drew a line around the cup about a third of the way from the bottom and said, “Don’t fill it any more than this.” I wanted to go, “Or what? You’ll stick me with a shiv?” But I didn’t. I went in the bathroom and peed in the cup.

I don’t know if it was a throwback to my bartending days or what but I filled that container right to the line with one try. I felt like putting a little umbrella in it and handing it to the phlebotomist.  I didn’t because, I don’t know if you know this but phlebotomists don’t have much of a sense of humor.

The best part of my day was taking my son to the doctor to get four vaccination shots. Wow, maybe I’m having a bad day. We laughed so hard in that doctor’s office.  My son was wincing in pain one moment and looking at me and laughing the next. I had written on a board in big letters the word OUCH and every time he’d get another shot I’d tally it up under the OUCH. The size of the tally was relevant to how much the shot hurt.

The tetanus shot was the worse.  I know because I got one recently for another job. That brings me back to where I started. Here’s a thought. Maybe I should stop looking for a job and let a job find me.

This has been Margaret Smith from a third of the way from the bottom. 

 

]]> Sun, 22 Feb 2009 17:41:31 GMT A21313E5F19950E46C15AF76F07F751A http://margaretsmithproductions.com/ftbblog.cfm?feature=34581&postid=35095 Blog 2-19-09 Reinventing Yourself Hi Everyone, Did you ever wish you could climb inside a comfortable machine, put some headphones on with your favorite music, push a button, drift off to sleep and wake up eight hours later totally reinvented? “You’re now Jim Smith with a whole new set of career skills and a complete new group of professional friends. Welcome. “ You went to sleep poor-bastard-without-a-job-Jim and you woke up Jimbo with ten job interviews scheduled back to back. You programmed the machine to your field of choice and bingo you can now prosecute Bernie Madoff personally.  And when he’s in jail you can reinvent yourself again. When I was a kid I saw my Dad, who actually is Jim Smith, lose his job to a new thing called sheet rock. He was a very gifted plasterer and it seemed like in one day he was without a job. So, he did what any one would do in his shoes. He went to work in a prison for a while. He told me he was in charge of counting the silverware after dinner. Eventually he retrained and became a pipe fitter. We’re all so identified with and defined by the work we do. It’s the first thing you’re asked by a dating service, (not that I would know) or someone at a “Reinventing Yourself” seminar, (not that I would know) or even a party. (Not that I would know.) So who are we now, all of the jobless people? I am in between jobs, wondering which direction to go in. I’m doing things that are an about-face for me, but that might just be because I’m 50. (And so you know, I’m fifty until I’m sixty. That’s the way I’m doing it.) I’m taking classes just for the challenge. Tonight I went to a get-to-know-your-neighbor mixer. I’m having as much fun as I can have in order to keep the fear that seems to be gripping the developed world by the larynx at bay.  I’m not sure who I am but I’m going to act as if I matter and I’m gonna try to treat the people I meet along the way like they matter.  When the dust of Wall Street and Main Street settles, I have a feeling we’ll all be reinvented. This has been Margaret Smith from the bottom. 
Reinventing Yourself

Hi Everyone,

Did you ever wish you could climb inside a comfortable machine, put some headphones on with your favorite music, push a button, drift off to sleep and wake up eight hours later totally reinvented? “You’re now Jim Smith with a whole new set of career skills and a complete new group of professional friends. Welcome. “

You went to sleep poor-bastard-without-a-job-Jim and you woke up Jimbo with ten job interviews scheduled back to back. You programmed the machine to your field of choice and bingo you can now prosecute Bernie Madoff personally.  And when he’s in jail you can reinvent yourself again.

When I was a kid I saw my Dad, who actually is Jim Smith, lose his job to a new thing called sheet rock. He was a very gifted plasterer and it seemed like in one day he was without a job. So, he did what any one would do in his shoes. He went to work in a prison for a while. He told me he was in charge of counting the silverware after dinner. Eventually he retrained and became a pipe fitter.

We’re all so identified with and defined by the work we do. It’s the first thing you’re asked by a dating service, (not that I would know) or someone at a “Reinventing Yourself” seminar, (not that I would know) or even a party. (Not that I would know.)

So who are we now, all of the jobless people? I am in between jobs, wondering which direction to go in. I’m doing things that are an about-face for me, but that might just be because I’m 50. (And so you know, I’m fifty until I’m sixty. That’s the way I’m doing it.) I’m taking classes just for the challenge. Tonight I went to a get-to-know-your-neighbor mixer. I’m having as much fun as I can have in order to keep the fear that seems to be gripping the developed world by the larynx at bay. 

I’m not sure who I am but I’m going to act as if I matter and I’m gonna try to treat the people I meet along the way like they matter.  When the dust of Wall Street and Main Street settles, I have a feeling we’ll all be reinvented.

This has been Margaret Smith from the bottom. 

]]> Fri, 20 Feb 2009 15:14:12 GMT 56DC72EE63F356C13D1D2558DA7876D3 http://margaretsmithproductions.com/ftbblog.cfm?feature=34581&postid=34974 What’s In Front Of You Hi Everyone, When I was a kid and I was upset, my Mother used to tell me to “walk, move, tire yourself out, go until you can’t go anymore. Then you’ll be able to sleep.” I don’t sit down much. Movies, reading and writing is about all I’ll sit for.  Right now what’s upsetting me is how much change there is in my small part of the world. I’m told it’s happening in your small part of the world too. I’m talking about this whole, “IT’S-GONNA-GET-WORSE-BEFORE-IT-GETS-BETTER” movement that’s happening. One friend called today just to tell me, “Do you believe this weather? It’s crazy everywhere. Tornados in the winter…it’s as volatile as the economy.”  I wouldn’t have called her if I knew how to do Microsoft Excel. It seems to be required for every job that doesn’t involve digging a hole and filling it up again. After listening to her for three minutes, I wondered if I should bother learning Excel. What good is Excel do me if California is just gonna snap off the end of the continent and sink. So, my question is, if you’re presently not working at a job right now, as I am not, what then should you be doing besides looking for one? There’s a lot of time in between interviews.  What has worked for me in the past and what I shall continue to do is what’s in front of me. And, I’ve added something to that plan, which I’ll get to in a minute. What’s in front of me are my two kids. I’m doing more for and with them, and it doesn’t revolve around buying things…except Lego’s. We can’t go without a five-dollar Lego once in a while. We go for hikes on sunny days and when the weather is crazy we play Monopoly. My five-year-old son who loves jewelry always wins. My teen son who loves to read will cheat if I’m not watching.  (It started when my Mother, his Grandmother visited.) I am the banker. Service is always in front of me but when I work I have to say “no” a lot. It’s nice to have the time to say “yes” when a friend asks for help with something. I take pride in my work no matter what it is. I am a pretty good wood worker, a skill that I developed during other down time in my career. I can make a new front door for a friend’s house or put up blinds or build a bookcase. That brings me to the “something” I’ve added to the “what’s in front of me” plan, and that is to learn new skills. Don’t lose your childlike wonder because you’re too busy wondering when the shit is going to hit the fan.  Instead learn to fix a fan so when the shit hits it, there’s something to see.  Take a class, teach a class, don’t stop until you’re tired enough to sleep tonight.  This has been Margaret Smith from the bottom.    
Hi Everyone,

When I was a kid and I was upset, my Mother used to tell me to “walk, move, tire yourself out, go until you can’t go anymore. Then you’ll be able to sleep.” I don’t sit down much. Movies, reading and writing is about all I’ll sit for. 

Right now what’s upsetting me is how much change there is in my small part of the world. I’m told it’s happening in your small part of the world too. I’m talking about this whole, “IT’S-GONNA-GET-WORSE-BEFORE-IT-GETS-BETTER” movement that’s happening.

One friend called today just to tell me, “Do you believe this weather? It’s crazy everywhere. Tornados in the winter…it’s as volatile as the economy.”  I wouldn’t have called her if I knew how to do Microsoft Excel. It seems to be required for every job that doesn’t involve digging a hole and filling it up again. After listening to her for three minutes, I wondered if I should bother learning Excel. What good is Excel do me if California is just gonna snap off the end of the continent and sink.

So, my question is, if you’re presently not working at a job right now, as I am not, what then should you be doing besides looking for one? There’s a lot of time in between interviews.  What has worked for me in the past and what I shall continue to do is what’s in front of me. And, I’ve added something to that plan, which I’ll get to in a minute.

What’s in front of me are my two kids. I’m doing more for and with them, and it doesn’t revolve around buying things…except Lego’s. We can’t go without a five-dollar Lego once in a while. We go for hikes on sunny days and when the weather is crazy we play Monopoly. My five-year-old son who loves jewelry always wins. My teen son who loves to read will cheat if I’m not watching.  (It started when my Mother, his Grandmother visited.) I am the banker.

Service is always in front of me but when I work I have to say “no” a lot. It’s nice to have the time to say “yes” when a friend asks for help with something. I take pride in my work no matter what it is. I am a pretty good wood worker, a skill that I developed during other down time in my career. I can make a new front door for a friend’s house or put up blinds or build a bookcase.

That brings me to the “something” I’ve added to the “what’s in front of me” plan, and that is to learn new skills. Don’t lose your childlike wonder because you’re too busy wondering when the shit is going to hit the fan.  Instead learn to fix a fan so when the shit hits it, there’s something to see. 
Take a class, teach a class, don’t stop until you’re tired enough to sleep tonight. 

This has been Margaret Smith from the bottom.  

 

]]> Wed, 18 Feb 2009 05:51:31 GMT 8ED3EDDB56270BD26A6870E6A085F76A http://margaretsmithproductions.com/ftbblog.cfm?feature=34581&postid=34973 FRIDAY THE THIRTEENTH or VALENTINE’S EVE 2-14-09 Hi everyone, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to discuss Friday 13th or Valentine’s Day. Then my son told me an incident that happened during his day and I decided his story was about both Friday the 13th and Valentine’s Day. My son got into our car after school and asked, “How was your day?” I said, “My day was okay, how was your day?” He said with great enthusiasm, “I had a really good day.” I caught his enthusiasm and asked him, “What happened!” He said, “I made fifty dollars.” It was more than I made that day, so I was suspicious.  “How did you make fifty dollars?” He said, “I don’t know if I should tell you.” I said, “what am I gonna do call the police?” He said, “Okay, I won it in a bet.” “What bet?” He said, “I bet my friend Keon that his girlfriend was gonna break up with him and she did.” I said, “Well, Keon had a bad day didn’t he? He lost fifty dollars and his girlfriend.” My son said, “I guess so.” A moment passed then he added, “He bet me one hundred dollars but that was too much so he’s gonna pay me fifty. Two dollars a day.” I felt bad for Keon. I asked how long they had been together as a couple. My son said, “Something like three weeks.” Long term just as I had thought. Neither of us said anything for a while. We took in the gravity of Keon’s world. My son had just gotten a girlfriend a few days earlier. I suspected something when we were at the Glendale Galleria a few days earlier and he bought a bag of See’s Red Hot Hearts and didn’t eat them. It was a small bag that cost him five dollars. I said, “How’s your girlfriend?” He said, “Oh, her. She’s not my girlfriend anymore.” I said, “I’m sorry to hear that.” He said, “It’s okay.” I said, “At least you didn’t loose fifty dollars too.” He said, “Yeah.” Poor Keon. He said, “I guess when we get home we can eat the hearts.” You’re just like me, I thought, looking for the silver lining in everything life hands you. When we got home I went to the corner hutch and there were the Red Hot Hearts looking out the window at us. I took them out as if it were part of a ritual. It was his first girlfriend. She had put a spring in his step that wasn’t there before. She had somehow made him stronger, more sure of himself. I liked seeing him that way. Will it stay, I wondered as I handed him the bag of hearts. I said, “You should be the one to cut the ribbon.” He got the scissors and cut the ribbon. The two ends fell to the floor. He then did something I had never seen him do. He bent down and picked them up. And so it was on Friday the 13th. We ate the hot hearts of my son’s first love, lost on Valentine’s Eve.  Just so you know, I will not post this without his permission. This has been, Margaret Smith. Happy Valentine’s Day.
Hi everyone,

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to discuss Friday 13th or Valentine’s Day. Then my son told me an incident that happened during his day and I decided his story was about both Friday the 13th and Valentine’s Day.

My son got into our car after school and asked, “How was your day?” I said, “My day was okay, how was your day?” He said with great enthusiasm, “I had a really good day.” I caught his enthusiasm and asked him, “What happened!” He said, “I made fifty dollars.” It was more than I made that day, so I was suspicious.  “How did you make fifty dollars?”

He said, “I don’t know if I should tell you.” I said, “what am I gonna do call the police?” He said, “Okay, I won it in a bet.” “What bet?” He said, “I bet my friend Keon that his girlfriend was gonna break up with him and she did.” I said, “Well, Keon had a bad day didn’t he? He lost fifty dollars and his girlfriend.” My son said, “I guess so.” A moment passed then he added, “He bet me one hundred dollars but that was too much so he’s gonna pay me fifty. Two dollars a day.”

I felt bad for Keon. I asked how long they had been together as a couple. My son said, “Something like three weeks.” Long term just as I had thought. Neither of us said anything for a while. We took in the gravity of Keon’s world.

My son had just gotten a girlfriend a few days earlier. I suspected something when we were at the Glendale Galleria a few days earlier and he bought a bag of See’s Red Hot Hearts and didn’t eat them. It was a small bag that cost him five dollars.

I said, “How’s your girlfriend?” He said, “Oh, her. She’s not my girlfriend anymore.” I said, “I’m sorry to hear that.” He said, “It’s okay.” I said, “At least you didn’t loose fifty dollars too.” He said, “Yeah.” Poor Keon. He said, “I guess when we get home we can eat the hearts.” You’re just like me, I thought, looking for the silver lining in everything life hands you.

When we got home I went to the corner hutch and there were the Red Hot Hearts looking out the window at us. I took them out as if it were part of a ritual. It was his first girlfriend. She had put a spring in his step that wasn’t there before. She had somehow made him stronger, more sure of himself. I liked seeing him that way. Will it stay, I wondered as I handed him the bag of hearts.

I said, “You should be the one to cut the ribbon.” He got the scissors and cut the ribbon. The two ends fell to the floor. He then did something I had never seen him do. He bent down and picked them up.

And so it was on Friday the 13th. We ate the hot hearts of my son’s first love, lost on Valentine’s Eve.  Just so you know, I will not post this without his permission.

This has been, Margaret Smith. Happy Valentine’s Day.

]]> Wed, 18 Feb 2009 05:44:07 GMT 2AB920BA234D6DA09F186EAB7AAF1673 http://margaretsmithproductions.com/ftbblog.cfm?feature=34581&postid=34735 blogLayoffs2-11-09 Hi everyone, this is Margaret Smith from the bottom. It’s sunny and bright today at the bottom. It makes me sad to have to announce layoffs on such a nice day. But as the song says, “One man’s ceiling is another man’s floor.” Here’s what I found out on the internet.  There are 255 democrats and 178 republicans in Congress.  I’m going to take the total 433 find 15% of that which is 29. That’s rounded off to the nearest Congressman. So we need to cut 29 Congressmen. I’ve divided that in half to give me 14 republicans and 14 democrats with one left over.  One of you just got very lucky.  Now for the Senate. There are 100 Senators. 57 democrats, 41 republicans and 2 independents. I’m giving the democrats and republicans each an independent to make the count 58 dems. and 42 reps.  15% of 100 is 15, that’s 7 in each party that we have to lay off, and one lucky Senator gets a free pass.  Nothing personal folks. It’s just until we can get the economy back on track here at the bottom.  It could be worse. The citizens of the US could decide to outsource congress. I hope we never have to do that. So here goes. And remember this is going to hurt the bottom more than it’s going to hurt Washington. If you see your name, pack up your desk and go home. I hope you didn’t buy one of those bad mortgages.  Senate Democrats Ron Wyden/OR  Sheldon Whitehouse/RI Jim Webb/VA Mark Warner/VA Tom Udall/NM Mark Udall/Co John Tester/MT Senate Republicans Roger Wicker/MS George Voinovich/OH David Vitter/LA John Thune/SD Arlen Specter/PA Olympia Snowe/ME Richard Shelby/AL Congressional Democrats Steve Kagen/Wisconsin Nick Rahall II/WV Adam Smith/WA John MsDermott//WA Jay WinInslee/WA Gerald Connolly/Va Thomas Perriello/Va Robert Scott/Va Congressional Republicans Thomas Petri/Wisconsin Shelley Moore Capito/WV David Reichaert/WA Cathy Rodgers/WA Frank Wolf/VA James Moran/VA J. Randy Forbes/VA Robert J. Wittman/VA This has been Margaret Smith reporting from the bottom
Hi everyone, this is Margaret Smith from the bottom. It’s sunny and bright today at the bottom. It makes me sad to have to announce layoffs on such a nice day. But as the song says, “One man’s ceiling is another man’s floor.”

Here’s what I found out on the internet.  There are 255 democrats and 178 republicans in Congress.  I’m going to take the total 433 find 15% of that which is 29. That’s rounded off to the nearest Congressman. So we need to cut 29 Congressmen. I’ve divided that in half to give me 14 republicans and 14 democrats with one left over.  One of you just got very lucky. 

Now for the Senate. There are 100 Senators. 57 democrats, 41 republicans and 2 independents. I’m giving the democrats and republicans each an independent to make the count 58 dems. and 42 reps.  15% of 100 is 15, that’s 7 in each party that we have to lay off, and one lucky Senator gets a free pass.  Nothing personal folks. It’s just until we can get the economy back on track here at the bottom.  It could be worse. The citizens of the US could decide to outsource congress. I hope we never have to do that.

So here goes. And remember this is going to hurt the bottom more than it’s going to hurt Washington. If you see your name, pack up your desk and go home. I hope you didn’t buy one of those bad mortgages.

 Senate Democrats
Ron Wyden/OR
 Sheldon Whitehouse/RI
Jim Webb/VA
Mark Warner/VA
Tom Udall/NM
Mark Udall/Co
John Tester/MT

Senate Republicans
Roger Wicker/MS
George Voinovich/OH
David Vitter/LA
John Thune/SD
Arlen Specter/PA
Olympia Snowe/ME
Richard Shelby/AL

Congressional Democrats
Steve Kagen/Wisconsin
Nick Rahall II/WV
Adam Smith/WA
John MsDermott//WA
Jay WinInslee/WA
Gerald Connolly/Va
Thomas Perriello/Va
Robert Scott/Va

Congressional Republicans
Thomas Petri/Wisconsin
Shelley Moore Capito/WV
David Reichaert/WA
Cathy Rodgers/WA
Frank Wolf/VA
James Moran/VA
J. Randy Forbes/VA
Robert J. Wittman/VA

This has been Margaret Smith reporting from the bottom

]]> Fri, 13 Feb 2009 05:12:46 GMT 0D926637B1B623F7247EB85A621772DD http://margaretsmithproductions.com/ftbblog.cfm?feature=34581&postid=34676 FROM THE BOTTOM OF THE PORK BARREL AND MY HEART Hi Everyone, It’s Margaret Smith weighing in from the bottom. President Obama gave his first speech to the nation Monday. He’s been up since the Inaugural Ball gathering information from the experts. He was so tired he was starting to slur near the end of the address. He does have some long answers. It reminded me of when I used to fake oral exams.  I did all my homework, but what stuck in my brain usually wasn’t on the test, so I just talked till the teacher said, “Very well then,” and I’d sit down. Usually on a tack but I’m more popular now. Take it from someone that comes from a family with a history of killing the messenger. It’s wrong, so let’s not attack Obama. He’s just the messenger. Last night after his lecture ended, I asked my neighbor, who was nice enough to let me come over to watch her television (I have one, I just don’t have cable) if she felt better after hearing him. She said, “No.” I told her I didn’t either. And we’re not alone. Friends have been calling me all day asking, “Do you think it’s really as bad as everyone’s saying it is?” I asked them all, “How bad are they saying it is?” The answer—“Bad,” “Real Bad,” and “Worse than Bad.” Here it is in a nutshell. They think the recession is a snowball that’s rolling downhill on it’s way into a depression. Reminds me of something else that rolls downhill. The phone has stopped ringing for now. My network of friends are probably having lunch, hopefully they’re eating more than the nails they’ve been biting since the President’s lecture to the nation. They’re worried that they’re next. I don’t have to tell you what “next” means.  But I will. It’s the next layoffs, the next cut, the next to go. There’s something we know here on the bottom. We can see Washington but Washington can’t see us.  First of all their numbers are wrong. Unemployment is twice what they say it is.  Half of the people not working can’t get unemployment. They’re self-employed like me.  They pay into it and aren’t entitled to collect it if they didn’t work for someone else at least one day of the year. Which why would they, they’re self-employed.  I could scream from the bottom, “It’s not 10% of us, it’s 20% of us that are unemployed.” As the word made it’s way to Washington it would get better and better until it was only 10%.  Washington won’t let it get stinky on Capitol Hill.  Stink is for the bottom dwellers. Here’s my proposal. And I say this because I spend a lot of my time at the bottom and I want Washington to be more understanding of things down here. We pay them. We’re having money problems and need to cut back. We are going to have to lay some of them off, 20% to be exact. If things get worse we’ll have to make more cuts. Sorry, it’s about the bottom line, nothing personal. Tomorrow I’ll post a list of the Senators and Congressmen, that much to our regret, we have to lay off. Until tomorrow, be grateful for your family and your neighbors, they’re all you’ve got.
Hi Everyone, It’s Margaret Smith weighing in from the bottom.

President Obama gave his first speech to the nation Monday. He’s been up since the Inaugural Ball gathering information from the experts. He was so tired he was starting to slur near the end of the address. He does have some long answers. It reminded me of when I used to fake oral exams.  I did all my homework, but what stuck in my brain usually wasn’t on the test, so I just talked till the teacher said, “Very well then,” and I’d sit down. Usually on a tack but I’m more popular now. Take it from someone that comes from a family with a history of killing the messenger. It’s wrong, so let’s not attack Obama. He’s just the messenger.

Last night after his lecture ended, I asked my neighbor, who was nice enough to let me come over to watch her television (I have one, I just don’t have cable) if she felt better after hearing him. She said, “No.” I told her I didn’t either. And we’re not alone.

Friends have been calling me all day asking, “Do you think it’s really as bad as everyone’s saying it is?” I asked them all, “How bad are they saying it is?” The answer—“Bad,” “Real Bad,” and “Worse than Bad.” Here it is in a nutshell. They think the recession is a snowball that’s rolling downhill on it’s way into a depression. Reminds me of something else that rolls downhill.

The phone has stopped ringing for now. My network of friends are probably having lunch, hopefully they’re eating more than the nails they’ve been biting since the President’s lecture to the nation. They’re worried that they’re next. I don’t have to tell you what “next” means.  But I will. It’s the next layoffs, the next cut, the next to go.

There’s something we know here on the bottom. We can see Washington but Washington can’t see us.  First of all their numbers are wrong. Unemployment is twice what they say it is.  Half of the people not working can’t get unemployment. They’re self-employed like me.  They pay into it and aren’t entitled to collect it if they didn’t work for someone else at least one day of the year. Which why would they, they’re self-employed. 

I could scream from the bottom, “It’s not 10% of us, it’s 20% of us that are unemployed.” As the word made it’s way to Washington it would get better and better until it was only 10%.  Washington won’t let it get stinky on Capitol Hill.  Stink is for the bottom dwellers.

Here’s my proposal. And I say this because I spend a lot of my time at the bottom and I want Washington to be more understanding of things down here. We pay them. We’re having money problems and need to cut back. We are going to have to lay some of them off, 20% to be exact. If things get worse we’ll have to make more cuts. Sorry, it’s about the bottom line, nothing personal. Tomorrow I’ll post a list of the Senators and Congressmen, that much to our regret, we have to lay off.

Until tomorrow, be grateful for your family and your neighbors, they’re all you’ve got.



]]> Thu, 12 Feb 2009 02:36:54 GMT F5906E23B60C73ED2A5ADA9C5C9DB63E http://margaretsmithproductions.com/ftbblog.cfm?feature=34581&postid=21236 1-25-08 blog Who Is Ron Paul? One thing’s for certain. He’s not a waffler.  I went to his website. He sounds extremely sane. They all do on their own websites. He’s for the constitution. So am I. He thinks that the Federal government does more damage than good. So do I. He doesn’t want to tax tips. Neither do I. Whether you wait tables or do a good dollar dance you should get to keep it all for yourself.  Ron Paul wants to give tax credits of 5000 dollars for each kid you send to school, whether it’s private or state run. I like it. I’m immediately 10,000 dollars richer. Maybe parents would fight harder to keep their kids in school if they got a bounty for it. Ron Paul wants to give all teachers a 3000 dollar tax break so we can keep the good ones when we get them. I’d give them more but I like it. Get rid of imminent domain. I concur.  I especially like saying Ron Paul. I like more about Ron Paul than I dislike about him. He’s simple. He’s neopolitan ice cream, not 31 flavors. I dislike his opposition of safe abortion. No one is really for abortion; they’re just against unsafe abortion. And I dislike his guns-for-everyone spirit because not everyone is as sane as Ron Paul is.  I dislike that he’s from Texas. It’ll be a cold day in hell before we elect another Texan. There may have been one exception had she lived and that’s Ann Richards. She was a rose amongst thorns, politically speaking. Most of all I don’t like that Ron Paul hasn’t changed his mind about anything since we discovered that the world is not flat. We all know it’s not cool to waffle. But is it cool to be closed to change because it might be construed as waffling?
Who Is Ron Paul?

One thing’s for certain. He’s not a waffler.  I went to his website. He sounds extremely sane. They all do on their own websites. He’s for the constitution. So am I. He thinks that the Federal government does more damage than good. So do I. He doesn’t want to tax tips. Neither do I. Whether you wait tables or do a good dollar dance you should get to keep it all for yourself. 

Ron Paul wants to give tax credits of 5000 dollars for each kid you send to school, whether it’s private or state run. I like it. I’m immediately 10,000 dollars richer. Maybe parents would fight harder to keep their kids in school if they got a bounty for it.

Ron Paul wants to give all teachers a 3000 dollar tax break so we can keep the good ones when we get them. I’d give them more but I like it. Get rid of imminent domain. I concur.  I especially like saying Ron Paul.

I like more about Ron Paul than I dislike about him. He’s simple. He’s neopolitan ice cream, not 31 flavors.

I dislike his opposition of safe abortion. No one is really for abortion; they’re just against unsafe abortion. And I dislike his guns-for-everyone spirit because not everyone is as sane as Ron Paul is.  I dislike that he’s from Texas. It’ll be a cold day in hell before we elect another Texan. There may have been one exception had she lived and that’s Ann Richards. She was a rose amongst thorns, politically speaking.

Most of all I don’t like that Ron Paul hasn’t changed his mind about anything since we discovered that the world is not flat. We all know it’s not cool to waffle. But is it cool to be closed to change because it might be construed as waffling?]]> Sun, 17 Feb 2008 23:47:53 GMT 932FF3A11BEF447A5E28E74AF60CA623 http://margaretsmithproductions.com/ftbblog.cfm?feature=34581&postid=21235 1-24-08 blog  Winning South Carolina Is it a good thing to win South Carolina? I’m not sure. I played there once. I did stand-up comedy for 20 years and I played there once. I wanted to play the south more but my management would tell me, “I don’t think they’ll ‘get you’ there.”  The candidates are talking about the economy and jobs. I wasn’t talking about jobs when I was there, which may have hurt me. I talked about family (I was against them at the time) and love. I was for it but not good at it. The guy that opened for me, on the other hand, talked about jobs and they responded well to him, but those were blowjobs. This is all I’ll tell you about my gig in South Carolina. I was sitting off to the side on a bench watching folks (that’s what they call each other there) file into the club when a guy in a group of four stopped the asked  who was headlining. The club employee said, “Margaret Smith. “ Then the guy turned to his friends and said, “sorry man. I didn’t know it was gonna be a broad.”   Here’s a question to go home with. If Hillary listens to South Carolina will she find her voice there too? I don’t think so.
Winning South Carolina

Is it a good thing to win South Carolina? I’m not sure. I played there once. I did stand-up comedy for 20 years and I played there once. I wanted to play the south more but my management would tell me, “I don’t think they’ll ‘get you’ there.” 

The candidates are talking about the economy and jobs. I wasn’t talking about jobs when I was there, which may have hurt me. I talked about family (I was against them at the time) and love. I was for it but not good at it. The guy that opened for me, on the other hand, talked about jobs and they responded well to him, but those were blowjobs.

This is all I’ll tell you about my gig in South Carolina. I was sitting off to the side on a bench watching folks (that’s what they call each other there) file into the club when a guy in a group of four stopped the asked  who was headlining. The club employee said, “Margaret Smith. “ Then the guy turned to his friends and said, “sorry man. I didn’t know it was gonna be a broad.”  

Here’s a question to go home with. If Hillary listens to South Carolina will she find her voice there too? I don’t think so.]]> Sun, 17 Feb 2008 23:47:23 GMT EA0A86F3C1E19730403CE9EF5CAE1D5D http://margaretsmithproductions.com/ftbblog.cfm?feature=34581&postid=21234 1-22-08    Blog Reactions to our lousy economy and my reactions to the reactions.  -The economy is now the number one concern on voter’s minds. *You know it’s bad when it pushes terrorism down the charts. -The Fed lowered interest rates three quarters of a point. *Now all you have to do is lower MY house payment. -Fred Thompson dropped out of the presidential race. *There were rumors that he ran out of gas money. (I started the rumor) -CNN came up with a new segment called “Financial security watch”. *You’re embarrassing the weathermen of the world. -My broker emailed her clients a don’t panic message. *I’m questioning why I gave money to someone who’s business card says “broker.” -My son’s fever of four days broke. *He reminds me to be grateful. -My dog Jack Valentine stayed in bed all day. *He must read the paper before he brings it to me. -The writers strike continued. *This too shall pass. -Barack Obama went over his minutes complaining about the Clintons. *Stop complaining and learn from them. -Bush wants to give us all eight hundred dollars. *I’ll take the eight hundred and give you twenty to blackout a front tooth and give me a big smile.
Reactions to our lousy economy and my reactions to the reactions.

 -The economy is now the number one concern on voter’s minds.
*You know it’s bad when it pushes terrorism down the charts.
-The Fed lowered interest rates three quarters of a point.
*Now all you have to do is lower MY house payment.
-Fred Thompson dropped out of the presidential race.
*There were rumors that he ran out of gas money. (I started the rumor)
-CNN came up with a new segment called “Financial security watch”.
*You’re embarrassing the weathermen of the world.
-My broker emailed her clients a don’t panic message.
*I’m questioning why I gave money to someone who’s business card says “broker.”
-My son’s fever of four days broke.
*He reminds me to be grateful.
-My dog Jack Valentine stayed in bed all day.
*He must read the paper before he brings it to me.
-The writers strike continued.
*This too shall pass.
-Barack Obama went over his minutes complaining about the Clintons.
*Stop complaining and learn from them.
-Bush wants to give us all eight hundred dollars.
*I’ll take the eight hundred and give you twenty to blackout a front tooth and give me a big smile.
]]> Sun, 17 Feb 2008 23:46:39 GMT 32D5D8FBC5C3BB5782F3564BF1979243 http://margaretsmithproductions.com/ftbblog.cfm?feature=34581&postid=20244 Blog1-8-08 More Chicken Soup for Hillary’s Soul I’m not on the bus or the plane with Hillary but if I were, I believe I could do a better job than whoever has her ear now. Whoever you are, quit giving her new ways to say the same thing. The results are the same. It’s better to listen to me, one of many, than the one on the bus with you. Here’s your Chicken Soup for today Hillary. Your new message for America: What was is gone. The budget surplus, peace, friendships with other nations, our image; the gentle giant we once were, is now the town bully. There is no going back. The good old days are ahead of us. On January 20th 2009 a new President will move into the White House, one who will be expected to move this country not just forward but in a new direction. I’d like to take you there. It feels like we’ve been walking through a dark tunnel together for eight years. But there is a light at the end of that tunnel. I’ve never lost sight of that light. I’ve learned some lessons along the way but my light has never been obscured. I’m not here to recycle old ideas. I’m here to take us in a new direction. And here’s what that means. We must reinvent this great Nation of ours. It is time. What better time to reinvent than when something is torn down? Our middle class is torn down, and you are the morale of this country, so when you’re torn down, our morale is torn down. And if we don’t build a New America right now, our children’s futures will be torn down. We must move now. I have a vision for a New America. (List TBD) I invite our viewers to make a list for A New America. They will all be posted. Have fun citizens. Still, Margaret Smith
More Chicken Soup for Hillary’s Soul

I’m not on the bus or the plane with Hillary but if I were, I believe I could do a better job than whoever has her ear now. Whoever you are, quit giving her new ways to say the same thing. The results are the same. It’s better to listen to me, one of many, than the one on the bus with you.

Here’s your Chicken Soup for today Hillary. Your new message for America: What was is gone. The budget surplus, peace, friendships with other nations, our image; the gentle giant we once were, is now the town bully. There is no going back. The good old days are ahead of us. On January 20th 2009 a new President will move into the White House, one who will be expected to move this country not just forward but in a new direction. I’d like to take you there.

It feels like we’ve been walking through a dark tunnel together for eight years. But there is a light at the end of that tunnel. I’ve never lost sight of that light. I’ve learned some lessons along the way but my light has never been obscured. I’m not here to recycle old ideas. I’m here to take us in a new direction. And here’s what that means. We must reinvent this great Nation of ours. It is time. What better time to reinvent than when something is torn down? Our middle class is torn down, and you are the morale of this country, so when you’re torn down, our morale is torn down. And if we don’t build a New America right now, our children’s futures will be torn down. We must move now. I have a vision for a New America. (List TBD)

I invite our viewers to make a list for A New America. They will all be posted. Have fun citizens.

Still,
Margaret Smith]]> Wed, 09 Jan 2008 11:36:24 GMT F306261F350BD5036F00DCFEA548CFA2 http://margaretsmithproductions.com/ftbblog.cfm?feature=34581&postid=20189 Blog 1-4-08 Iowhat The Hell Happened? I THOUGHT Hillary would win in Iowa. She has international experience, she’s a lady and a lady knows when to leave Iraq. She can balance a budget, she’s good in a crisis, a survivor, she can take our country in a direction that will mend our relationship with our enemies which at this point is the rest of the world and she can strike a balance with Mother Nature. I mean, she’s a Mother too, right? Not according to Iowans. Maybe in Iowa the question was, can we go back? There’s something that feels familial about Hillary. Maybe voting for her felt like going home to the Iowans. Author Thomas Wolf said you can never go home. He’s huge in Iowa. Is he from Iowa? It’s easier being Obama than it is being Hillary. Obama’s the new kid on the block. New ideas, new hope, new shoes. Am I the only one that noticed his shoes? He says he can heal the red/blue divide in America and bring together blacks and whites, and bridges the gap between young and old. Move over Penn and Teller, Obama’s in town. It’s hard being Hillary. She’s been around the political block and hasn’t been out of public service long enough to dye her hair brown. We all have a head full of Hillary and only an eye full of Obama. Here’s my chicken soup for Hillary’s soul: (I’ve quoted Thomas Wolf and now I’m going to quote Cindy Lauper) “Girls just wanna have fun.” Hillary, have fun. You didn’t come this far and work this hard to not have fun. Everything you do from now on should be fun or don’t do it. Have fun with the guys. They’re funny if you really look at them and listen. Giuliani looks and acts like Colonel Klink on Hogan’s Heroes. Next time you debate a Republican say, “Hey, is that a rosary in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?” If debates aren’t fun don’t go. I could go on. The next time someone mentions a flat tax, say, “I’ve got a flatter tax plan. It’s the concave tax plan. If you’re a con or live in a cave you pay taxes. Everyone else is free. And so is my chicken soup for your soul, Hillary. I’d offer to write for you but I’m on strike. I wonder if speechwriters are in the guild?
Iowhat The Hell Happened?

I THOUGHT Hillary would win in Iowa. She has international experience, she’s a lady and a lady knows when to leave Iraq. She can balance a budget, she’s good in a crisis, a survivor, she can take our country in a direction that will mend our relationship with our enemies which at this point is the rest of the world and she can strike a balance with Mother Nature. I mean, she’s a Mother too, right? Not according to Iowans.

Maybe in Iowa the question was, can we go back? There’s something that feels familial about Hillary. Maybe voting for her felt like going home to the Iowans. Author Thomas Wolf said you can never go home. He’s huge in Iowa. Is he from Iowa?

It’s easier being Obama than it is being Hillary. Obama’s the new kid on the block. New ideas, new hope, new shoes. Am I the only one that noticed his shoes? He says he can heal the red/blue divide in America and bring together blacks and whites, and bridges the gap between young and old. Move over Penn and Teller, Obama’s in town.

It’s hard being Hillary. She’s been around the political block and hasn’t been out of public service long enough to dye her hair brown. We all have a head full of Hillary and only an eye full of Obama.

Here’s my chicken soup for Hillary’s soul: (I’ve quoted Thomas Wolf and now I’m going to quote Cindy Lauper) “Girls just wanna have fun.” Hillary, have fun. You didn’t come this far and work this hard to not have fun. Everything you do from now on should be fun or don’t do it.

Have fun with the guys. They’re funny if you really look at them and listen. Giuliani looks and acts like Colonel Klink on Hogan’s Heroes. Next time you debate a Republican say, “Hey, is that a rosary in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?” If debates aren’t fun don’t go. I could go on. The next time someone mentions a flat tax, say, “I’ve got a flatter tax plan. It’s the concave tax plan. If you’re a con or live in a cave you pay taxes. Everyone else is free. And so is my chicken soup for your soul, Hillary. I’d offer to write for you but I’m on strike. I wonder if speechwriters are in the guild?]]> Mon, 07 Jan 2008 03:04:59 GMT 22CE31E09CB690EBE414BB80503FD067 http://margaretsmithproductions.com/ftbblog.cfm?feature=34581&postid=20188 Blog 1-1-08 I thought I would wake up today with a bright outlook for 2008 and a plan. I have neither. I don’t know what I expected to change as I slept, but the only thing that was different when I awoke this morning was the back of my hair. It had a horizontal part. This tells me I slid off the pillow, or was dragged by the ankles, in my sleep. I started my new year doing two things I rarely do. I woke up before dawn and I went to a parade. If you can’t picture me at a parade you are right. I’d say the chances of me going to a parade are about the same as me opening a bridal shop. I did it for one reason, because I love my kids. I took them to the Rose Parade in Pasadena. I’m very proud of myself for braving parade traffic. I don’t do traffic. I’ve been known to head out on a vacation and turn back if there’s traffic. “Mommy’s going home kids. There’re too many cars.” I also got up before dawn. And getting up before dawn isn’t natural. Call me green but my body doesn’t work in the dark. I’m solar powered. I don’t get up until the sun does. There is one exception: Earthquakes. I’m more of a marcher than a parade goer or a paradee or a parader. I can march for a cause I believe in but I’m not much for floats. I like root beer floats but to be on a float isn’t a good feeling. I know. I was once afloat on a float. It was a homecoming float. I had to wave and the whole bit. And to think it all started out as a sympathy date. When I was in high school I went to Bob LaFranchise’s homecoming dance with him because no one else would go. He was good looking but his personality canceled out the looks and he was a dork. He went to an all boy school and some time during a promenade we got picked to be king and queen because we were voted “best looking couple”. I gave him the dirtiest look I could muster and still look good in the picture of course. It was a hideous experience that I thought I was over until today. Anyway, I survived that parade and the parade today. My kids had a good time. There were a few protesters there. One had a sign that read, “We’re making enemies faster than we can kill them.” Later in the day I heard about more middle-east casualties on the radio and thought, it’s just like last year. I’m not depressed about it. I just want to feel like I’m in a new year. Maybe if I make a new year’s resolution it’ll get things started for me. This year I’m gonna pay more attention to the back of my hair.
I thought I would wake up today with a bright outlook for 2008 and a plan. I have neither. I don’t know what I expected to change as I slept, but the only thing that was different when I awoke this morning was the back of my hair. It had a horizontal part. This tells me I slid off the pillow, or was dragged by the ankles, in my sleep.

I started my new year doing two things I rarely do. I woke up before dawn and I went to a parade. If you can’t picture me at a parade you are right. I’d say the chances of me going to a parade are about the same as me opening a bridal shop. I did it for one reason, because I love my kids. I took them to the Rose Parade in Pasadena.

I’m very proud of myself for braving parade traffic. I don’t do traffic. I’ve been known to head out on a vacation and turn back if there’s traffic. “Mommy’s going home kids. There’re too many cars.” I also got up before dawn. And getting up before dawn isn’t natural. Call me green but my body doesn’t work in the dark. I’m solar powered. I don’t get up until the sun does. There is one exception: Earthquakes.

I’m more of a marcher than a parade goer or a paradee or a parader. I can march for a cause I believe in but I’m not much for floats. I like root beer floats but to be on a float isn’t a good feeling. I know. I was once afloat on a float. It was a homecoming float. I had to wave and the whole bit. And to think it all started out as a sympathy date.

When I was in high school I went to Bob LaFranchise’s homecoming dance with him because no one else would go. He was good looking but his personality canceled out the looks and he was a dork. He went to an all boy school and some time during a promenade we got picked to be king and queen because we were voted “best looking couple”. I gave him the dirtiest look I could muster and still look good in the picture of course. It was a hideous experience that I thought I was over until today.

Anyway, I survived that parade and the parade today. My kids had a good time. There were a few protesters there. One had a sign that read, “We’re making enemies faster than we can kill them.” Later in the day I heard about more middle-east casualties on the radio and thought, it’s just like last year. I’m not depressed about it. I just want to feel like I’m in a new year. Maybe if I make a new year’s resolution it’ll get things started for me. This year I’m gonna pay more attention to the back of my hair.]]> Mon, 07 Jan 2008 03:04:04 GMT A06E9BAC175836A34E832E0388F6A5D2 http://margaretsmithproductions.com/ftbblog.cfm?feature=34581&postid=20186 12-18-07blog Keeping My Eyes on the Prize. Mitt Romney seems to be the frontrunner in the race for the republican presidential nomination. He seems to have the necessary gifts that a republican candidate should have to win the nomination. He’s rich and righteous. The media drums say he’s made a lot of rich people richer, made a lot of poor people poorer, and in the process, made some money for his family and church. 10% goes to the Mormon Church. It’s part of what it takes to be a Mormon. People in the press and elsewhere seem very concerned about what church he goes to. He doesn’t just go to church like the average person goes to church. He was the Bishop of his church in the mid 1980”s. Although Mitt and I couldn’t be more different (I didn’t spend the 80”s in church and I’ve never been a Bishop) I don’t know why we have to pick his Religious practices apart. What are we afraid of? I mean besides the fact that he makes a lot of us look bad for only giving 0% to our religious affiliations. We’re not supposed to consider religion when we’re in the voter’s booth. That’s like asking us not to consider our hair when we’re in a photo booth. Not gonna happen. We might stick out our tongues but we checked our hair before we put our money in. Is it that we have to consider religion because what if they, they meaning Mitt Romney, creates Mormon policy if he becomes our next president? What’s the fear? Is it, if he becomes President we might all have to give 10% to the Mormon Church? Mitt’s religious practices don’t scare me. Bush didn’t let his Christian beliefs stop him from giving the order to kill hundreds of thousands of innocent men, women and children. Religion is not the issue; it’s the distraction. I’m not taking my eyes off the real issues for my next president. Is she/he intelligent? I never want to feel smarter than the president again. My next president must have the intelligence to negotiate. And does his/her moral beliefs resonate with me? For instance, is his/her ego capable of humility? I don’t want a president that can’t admit they’re wrong when lives are being lost. Still, Margaret
Keeping My Eyes on the Prize.

Mitt Romney seems to be the frontrunner in the race for the republican presidential nomination. He seems to have the necessary gifts that a republican candidate should have to win the nomination. He’s rich and righteous. The media drums say he’s made a lot of rich people richer, made a lot of poor people poorer, and in the process, made some money for his family and church. 10% goes to the Mormon Church. It’s part of what it takes to be a Mormon.

People in the press and elsewhere seem very concerned about what church he goes to. He doesn’t just go to church like the average person goes to church. He was the Bishop of his church in the mid 1980”s. Although Mitt and I couldn’t be more different (I didn’t spend the 80”s in church and I’ve never been a Bishop) I don’t know why we have to pick his Religious practices apart. What are we afraid of? I mean besides the fact that he makes a lot of us look bad for only giving 0% to our religious affiliations.

We’re not supposed to consider religion when we’re in the voter’s booth. That’s like asking us not to consider our hair when we’re in a photo booth. Not gonna happen. We might stick out our tongues but we checked our hair before we put our money in.

Is it that we have to consider religion because what if they, they meaning Mitt Romney, creates Mormon policy if he becomes our next president? What’s the fear? Is it, if he becomes President we might all have to give 10% to the Mormon Church? Mitt’s religious practices don’t scare me. Bush didn’t let his Christian beliefs stop him from giving the order to kill hundreds of thousands of innocent men, women and children.

Religion is not the issue; it’s the distraction. I’m not taking my eyes off the real issues for my next president. Is she/he intelligent? I never want to feel smarter than the president again. My next president must have the intelligence to negotiate. And does his/her moral beliefs resonate with me? For instance, is his/her ego capable of humility? I don’t want a president that can’t admit they’re wrong when lives are being lost.

Still,
Margaret]]> Mon, 07 Jan 2008 03:02:08 GMT 35A8B4556A54F9716710642920B08D15 http://margaretsmithproductions.com/ftbblog.cfm?feature=34581&postid=19809 12-17-07 blog “IF YOU GIVE A MOUSE A COOKIE” “If You Give A Mouse A Cookie” is a book I highly recommend this holiday season. Give it to a kid or an adult. I thought of it today when I read the story about a woman in Saudi Arabia that was raped by a group of Saudi men and then sentenced to 90 lashes for getting herself raped. Apparently she dishonored her family and now husband because she went out unaccompanied. When she appealed the sentence the court upped her punishment to 200 lashes. My first thoughts were: do we live on the same planet? How far is Saudi Arabia from here? Why doesn’t she move somewhere more civilized? I could pick her up from the airport. Did you know that Saudi women are not allowed to drive? In the U. S. I believe only a couple of D.U.I.’s can get a woman that kind of consequence. Saudi women don’t have the right to vote either. I believe only a felony conviction or a capital crime can bring a woman down like that. It’s no wonder they can’t vote. If they could, I’m sure the first thing they’d vote for is the right to drive. Then they would have to unveil their faces so all of their drivers licenses wouldn’t look the same. And if their faces were unveiled they could express themselves with a smile or a frown or a word and we would know how they feel. So you see, if you give a Saudi woman the right to vote she’s going to want a license. If you give her a license she’s going to want a car. And if you give a Saudi woman a car she’s going to want to get out of Saudi Arabia. You go girls! Still, Margaret
“IF YOU GIVE A MOUSE A COOKIE”

“If You Give A Mouse A Cookie” is a book I highly recommend this holiday season. Give it to a kid or an adult. I thought of it today when I read the story about a woman in Saudi Arabia that was raped by a group of Saudi men and then sentenced to 90 lashes for getting herself raped. Apparently she dishonored her family and now husband because she went out unaccompanied. When she appealed the sentence the court upped her punishment to 200 lashes.

My first thoughts were: do we live on the same planet? How far is Saudi Arabia from here? Why doesn’t she move somewhere more civilized? I could pick her up from the airport.

Did you know that Saudi women are not allowed to drive? In the U. S. I believe only a couple of D.U.I.’s can get a woman that kind of consequence. Saudi women don’t have the right to vote either. I believe only a felony conviction or a capital crime can bring a woman down like that.

It’s no wonder they can’t vote. If they could, I’m sure the first thing they’d vote for is the right to drive. Then they would have to unveil their faces so all of their drivers licenses wouldn’t look the same. And if their faces were unveiled they could express themselves with a smile or a frown or a word and we would know how they feel.

So you see, if you give a Saudi woman the right to vote she’s going to want a license. If you give her a license she’s going to want a car. And if you give a Saudi woman a car she’s going to want to get out of Saudi Arabia. You go girls!

Still,
Margaret]]> Tue, 18 Dec 2007 07:10:55 GMT 109DAB19B59238BC9959953F906FE4C0